I've Had A Shit Day

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Hello everyone. Today, I couldn't stop crying because next year I will move to KL for REAL and for ETERNITY. It was all because of me. It was all started when my mom,my sis and I went for grocery shopping.

In the car, on the way to Tesco, my mom said that if my sis and I live in KL by now, my mom wouldn't be burden for spending rm300+ once every two weeks. Then I was like ''daffuk?'' No way! I'm not living in that city of shit anymore 'cuz for the last time I lived there, my grades were sucks, no freedom, bohsia attitude, pollution mendadak, struggling, and felt like there was no hope to live. 

Another reason my mom wanted us to live in KL because tak nak menyusahkan opah, tak cukup duit, and banyak lagi. Aku menangis kat Tesco dan sampai sekarang mata aku still lumpy and sepet. Aku tak tau nak cakap ape. The question that I kept telling myself 'till now is.."Kenapa aku tak mati je?"

Like I mentioned this earlier. It was all my fault! I wish I was dead so I don't have to face this and watching this world developing with vices. If i'm dead by now, my mom would probably have enough money, my parents wouldn't divorce, my grandma wouldn't suffer from injuries, there wouldn't have global warming, and the love of my life wouldn't smoke just because stressed out watching me living here. Aku dah tak tau nak mengadu dekat siapa. I felt like everyone is abandoning me. I felt lonely and useless. 

Kalau sesiapa yang baca post ni, mesti diorang pikir aku ni macam orang nak murtad. Tak ingat Allah. Aku cuma bertawakal sekarang. Berserah segalanya kepada Ilahi. Sebab Dia yang menentukan takdir aku and what is the best for me. It's just that aku tak nak hidup kat sana lagi. Perangai aku akan berubah menjadi bohsia seperti dulu dan markah aku akan merosot kalau aku hidup kat sana.

Dah lah, aku tak nak cerita panjang sangat. Aku bersyukur apa yang Allah bagi. The last thing I wanna do is to sit back and watch the world. I'm emotionally exhausted and wish I could turn back time. 

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