Bercuti sebelum SPM

Krik krik belog ni dah  berhabuk.

Asalamualaikum, love
My school holiday seemed pretty okay. Well, I had a tuition for the first 2 weeks of school break. Stress duh. Tapi berbaloi. And also, I went to Kuala Lumpur and stayed at mom's apartment for a week. I thought I was putting myself in hell when I decided to go there. But then bila dah balik Ipoh, I started to miss the vibes.

I hate staying there because I used to be the monster of all sluts and it hurts by reminiscing back all those days. Somehow, the vibes were much cooler. The scent of mom's house grew stronger. The noise of the squeaking gates and door reminds me about both of my parent's fight. The smell of acid rain. The hectic-ness in night time. And macam2 lagi lah. Looking forward to go there again tapi taknak duduk rumah mama. Heh.

and I'm sort of proud of myself ! Siblings and I went to Time Square and it was official...all of us stood our fears and take the risk of riding the mother of all devils-ROLLERCOASTER, DIZZY IZZY AND DNA MIXER. Menggigil tangan lepas naik rollercoaster, and I could feel my barf nak dekat2 sampai kt kerongkong -…-

Ride yg paling aku benci sekali was the DIZZY IZZY ya allah aku sumpah aku takkan naik dah benda tu ! I could see my future when the first time I took that ride. I thought i was gonna die or the 'final destination' scene would take off. Seram gila nak mampuih and I felt almost crying and almost rip my ribcage off T_T

The day after that mom pergi kerja. Dad took us to see Atok (tak pernah jumpa atok ever since the divorce) and it literally shattered my heart when Atok cried. It was our first met since five years tak jumpa tak contact.  He hugged us and cried as much as he could. I will never forget that moment :'(

Lastly, we went to Alamanda which is located at Putrajaya. The mall wasn't so sophisticated much but it was okay I guess. The view was awesome. Lagi2 masjid besi ngn masjid putrajaya. Bila bila aku dah ada duit aku nak explore more about putrajaya. 

Okay, that's the end of my holiday. I wish I could tell more about it but ugh malas. I think there'll be new entry cuz there are lots of things I wanna discuss here. Farewell , my kingdom !

Bought these jems at a store which literally named as Typo. Location: KLCC Suria 

My childhood was incredible ! Still remember my childhood friends and their shennanigans. Kau hado ? :D

The Days Are Like A Death Wish


Fikiran aku sekarang serabut. My minds are tangling like spider webs as I over think about everything that's gonna happen 140 days from now on. I am almost 17 and that age sort of a pain on the neck because...I am not sure if I'm ready or not to face the ultimate lifetime examination. The war. The one that points your future. SPM.

Sometimes I have the urge of crying when it comes about my recent marks, grades, and understanding and learning enhancement. It has been almost a year being a form 4 student and I felt that I have wasted such a precious time. I procrastinate. I did unvalueble shits. I laughed uncontrobally. I fcuked up. I cried over and over when there's a shadow of flashbacks about all the wrongdoings I've made.

I also have the urge to cry cuz I realized I am not as talented as people around me and I'm scared that I won't go further in my life. My most fear of all time is when I have the blink of imagining living in the cold dark life. "Bitch please failing and falling in certain circumstances is a one step to success". Fuck off. This is future I'm talking about and you expect me gonna make the same mistake after all the oppurtunity and chances have given ? Hell to the no. The peeps at school are killing me because of theit goddamn attitude and those bastards think they're being original well actually they aren't.

Ya Allah. Lagi setahun je weihh

Lagi setahun je and I'm sure I would save my ass from here if I have the determination and not easily giving up on anything.

Aku berusaha. Aku berdoa. Aku berserah. Dan aku redha. Kalau aku berjaya, alhamdulillah. Kalau aku gagal, itu kehendak dan qada Dan qadarNya. I have no capable and the strength to change His fate. Therefore I just gotta have to accept it and move on. 

"Mama tahu aliah dah tak tahan, tapi please setahun lagi je kat sini. Belajar la bersungguh-sungguh."

I will mom, I will insyaallah.

Fading Myriads


Hai. I've tempted and would like to post something today even though I don't have the mood to. I don't know.. I've been hooking up with tumblr this lately and my muse came in just like an endless flowing river every time I reblog. Oh, muse. You came in my mind with such a weird a way (= Lagipun, purpose aku nak tulis entry untuk harini also to improve my english 'cuz I realized my language doesn't sound appealing like it used to when I talk to people.

Lets get started, bros !

I'm worthless bastard, forgive me
I had already checked my grades for this recent final examination. The results were awful, worst, unpleasant, poor and absurd. Aku tahu, sometimes we're up and sometimes we're down. But when you and everything luxurious and fame that you owe landed at the point where people around you started to think that you're despicable, you're extremely fcuked up. I feel so lifeless and my self-esteem deteriorates constantly and I feel ashamed as well. 

I feel ashamed of everything 'cuz honestly, I have always thought that I could do it. I know it's good to have that kind of confidence but somehow, it started became bad when I tried to brag about my ability and confidence to my friends. I bragged to them that I have the basic skills and knowledge in class and stinginess overpowered me. Plus, I didn't do any sufficient revision and exercises and my relation between me and Allah has become obscure. 

There are like lots of sins I have done in this vicious world. And I could not tell you guys what have I done. I could not form the images that I pictured in my mind into a state of words. I'm sorry for being completely's just that..i'm depressed and I could not define everything what I need to say.

"do you ever just get the overwhelming urge to cry because you think you’re not going to go far in life because you’re not as smart or as talented as the people around you?"

It's you
Okay, talked about schools..I wanted to tell a little saga about my crush's enhancement. But before that I would like to remind here that I'm doing just well, dah tak macam dulu dah. What I mean is I'm trying my best as I could to forget him day by day. As i'm forgetting him, his passion started to grow and I could see it day by day either. 

I totally admire and fell in love with all his paintings and murals which he's doing right now at school. I love everything that he owe, all the imperfections and the erratic damages he made blooms my heart. His spectacular skills and talent make me even more prouder at him and I know..I'm sure he will going further in his life. Dear you, i'm proud of you and keep up the good work. Stay adorable. Stay talented. And the most important is, stay humble and always remembering your roots. You are phenomenal and the most amazing guy I've ever fell for :)

you were my 3 a.m thoughts.

Actually I have lots of things to write in here. Probably I'll post more about it later. Byep !

Throw Me To The Flames


Hey, how are you guys doing? Welp, sekolah aku cuti seminggu sebab cuti deepavali. Sekolah lain pulak 2 3 hari je cuti. It's not fair to them, it's not fair to me either. The other school must be complaining kenapa tak cuti seminggu. And my school pulak mesti happy sebab dapat cuti seminggu. 

I guess it would be a privillage if there is no school holiday by this week. I've been went through lots of depression and anxiety this lately. And, bila duduk rumah je, mesti lagi depress. I can't tell you why but somehow school makes me contented even though ramai jackass, assholes, or judgemental people. The only thing I like about school is the people (hell no some of them jer), the teachers, my friends, educations and the tiredness of going to school that burns a thousands of calories and body fat in me which is worthy.

Depression is the side effect of dying. I'm dying right now. I feel hopeless and I think that I've made everyone disappointed. I wish I could just turn back time and make a new life of the beginning of the end. I wish I hadn't met my crush. I wish I hadn't be so premestic about boarding school. I wish I knew my responsibility towards my family. I wish I hadn't sit beside someone who laughs and talks a lot. I wish I could swallow my guts and face my fears. And I wish...

I wasn't exist.

Mama, opah, I'm sorry for being such a burden to you guys. I'm 16 years old and I just got lost track from my moral code. There is a world inside of me that I just can't have the control of it. I hate everything that I owe. I hate all of my imperfections and I truly am sorry for not being the kind of daughter and granddaughter that you guys want. I'm sorry for being useless and sorry for my deteriorated behavior. 

Forgive me.

aku tahu cerita kali ni dah hilang arah ke mana entah and semuanya takde kena mengena. My thoughts are like myriads and they are so difficult to be form into constellations. Biar aku sorang je faham. Cuz I knew that no one would.

Bukan Pelukis Jalanan, Bukan Doktor. I'm Lost On Track


Woahh! what a year! Seriously ever since I started to sign up into this form 4 life, I eventually don't give a damn about my education and I've turned into the laziest ass ever. I slept a a lot, eat a lot and most of all, bergayut dengan dajjal 24 hours. (in this context, dajjal means henpon android aku tuh..lulz)

Thus for all the above information, I failed most of my subjects for my end-year exam. 

It's funny. Dulu waktu form 2, form3, I thought I could handle all of these so-called-senior-life shennanigans. And then plan out what will happen 2 or 3 years later. Pehtu bajet cakap cammni: "Uhuk, nanti I nak belajar biology" "Hikhik ioulls nak jadi doktor pastu belajar kat negara 4 musim" "Hikhok my family is soooo going to be proud of meh"

All of those shits and stuffs tu are not real. Itu semua tipu. As I drag my ass into 16 years old life, you will face lots of peer pressures. What what? *gaya Farah* What what? What I mean peer pressures kat sini are like: 

1)seeing other people talented than you, then suddenly you wanted to be like them. Like, you're not taking baby steps. Instead, you wanted a drastic changes without acknowledging any basics about that certain talent. For example, drawing. Dan inilah yang sebenarnya terjadi kat diri aku. Aku terikut-ikut sangat jejak crush aku yang pandai melukis sampai aku lupa diri. I always tell myself "Seni itu penting" "Art overpowers everything on this Earth" "Art takdak pressure" "Seni senang nak belajar"

Wake up! Those are just satanic words that tried to deprive myself to fail in my life. Aku memang menyesal. Everytime I see my crush draws, I started to think that I want to be like him for the rest of my life. But self-conscious hit me hard enough and I realized knowledge and education overpowers everything. Right now, I will use my talent as a hobby. Not a permanent dream career. </3

2)crush tak pernah nak notice aku and the word 'crush' literally means crushing your heart and souls into millions of pieces. Welp, tapi sekarang aku dah okay and i've tried my best to forget him. Falling in love is fitrah manusia and everyone has the right to do that. But the problem is bila nampak je crush, aku akan bajet ayu and buat muke comel. Lulz cm haram jeh. 

3)kawan-kawan yang lazy-ass jugak and kuat gelak. Brr ni aku taknak story mory sangat. Nak pendam je dalam hati. 

4)ape lagi? Hmm ntah idk.

Actually there are lots of kinds of peer pressure I wanna list. Tapi biarlah. Sometimes the only person who knew all of these problem is my ex-seatmate, Sufi. I really miss sitting beside her and she misses us being together like we used too. Apa2 pun, ini semua cabaran hidup. I must have thhe strength to deal with it and have more positive mind and attitude when it comes to recognizing my true identity. 

"Beramal tanpa ilmu adalah sia-sia"
"Semua orang akan binasa, kecuali orang yang berilmu"
                                                                                  Imam al-Ghazali

Selamat Bulan Puasa !

Assalamualaikum !

I'm sottyyyyyyyy for haven't updating any posts, bloggy :( I love you so much but I'm too lazy to get up and reach you sebab I asyik layan android and there are like too much stuffs going on in my life. I'll never leave you again I swear ^3^

Happy Ramadan, eberyone ! I hope we are able to celebrate this year's Ramadan with full of blessings Insyaalllah.

I would like to tell you guys how are my life's improvement, enhancement and deterioration. (cehhh i've been practicing big words with Lady Pharaoh and I think i'm getting along with it :D) But since dah beberapa bulan aku tak bukak belog ni, I'll post photos about old occasions and stuffs like that and description underneath it. My principle: Anything happens, kena jugak cerita pasal benda yang lepas. I don't why, but I'm just a sceptical, fancy girl who loves to clinging on her past and cried about it then put herself in a bad mood. :/

1)Hari Muka Berglitter-glitter

Hahahaha serious weihh. Setiap tahun dapat je hadiah muka mesti berglitter.
Sebab diorang bubuh banyak sangat glitter kt hadiah tuh that's why :p

2)The Day Of Our Stars

The day I pulled my hair off and fangirling plus screaming with a high-pitched voice
sebab TFIOS dah keluar....dekat USA. Malaysia lambat lagi :( 31st of July baru start but sokay, 
ape2 pon, I'm looking forward to it !!

3)Geng Merah visited Kuala Lumpur

 stuffs I bought during The Red trip. Berus tu was a gift from Bao Yee. <3

Oh gosh! Hari paling best dan balik dalam kesedihan :') We visited Kraf Tangan Malaysia, Muzium Seni and also KLCC. Oh what a fun day we had!

And that was also the day I won't forget how I felt over my crush; seeing him with his red t-shirt and being overly crazy and adorable waktu dekat KLCC and i loved the way he was. 

4)One-sided Expectation

26th of June 2014, 4.45 pm sharp. I found out my crush is in love with someone else.
I cried like hell and it was stupid for liking him and crying over someone who doesn't give a damn 
on you. He barely knows me so why should I bother him right? Keep moving on cuz you still have John Green. 

So, the alternative way for me to get rid off him was I read Looking For Alaska and drowned myself in my own world where he is not existed. Thank you John Green for making me feel beautiful every night.

I Am Grand. thank you


Hello my kingdom! Oh my, memang dah lama gila I tak bukak belog ni. The reasons are 1) Two months wifi takde kat rumah opah ni. 2) Wifi dah pasang lama dah..tapi entah la. Ever since ada android, several times I turn on my laptop.

So, where to start?

Lemme see. Hmm. School was kinda fine I guess. But Thilo had moved to GR and I was so heartbroken. Not just her, former classmates of 3 Delima also had moved on with each of their lives. Husna, Thad, Ameer, Zul, Haris :( I'm guessing things wouldn't stay the way you want. Sure you could claim to the past, but other times you just have to let it go ;_; However, yesterday they had a reunion. I didn't join though, but I was glad and happy to see all of them reunited together :)

What else..hmm..Oh, cerita pasal crush pulak. Lolz. Good news! whenever I see my bestfriend berkepit with my crush, that jeaoulsy feelings has vanished. Yeay! How do Aliah Izzati overcome with it because setahu aku Aliah Izzati would storm off and lock herself in room and kept asking herself "WHY HER?" then right after that draw an art generated by tragedy? Well, I have my own secret weapon. 

I was Barney Stinson.

Think Allah and people surrounding you. I love my bestfriend more than anything and I will not let any guy be the barrier of our friendship. :) I love you, girl. Love you more than anything and thank you for always loving me and your affection is still firm despite I might be an asshole for sometimes. 

Plus, last week (2 weeks ago i dunno) the citizens of SMKRS were sitting for an exam. Especially for form 4. The exam was brutally challenging yet arduous task for us as we are still noobs in this whole new year. However, alhamdulillah. My results weren't quite much sophisticated but I will try harder. Better. To make it stronger. 

And that's my story for today. Now, back to reality. So here I am stuck in my chamber with craploads of homeworks and still making up my mind nak procrastinate atau tidak. T_T shitloads of homwek..nyah la mung dari siniiiii. I benci uolls ;_; 

Bila nak keluar cerita ni?? Lama bebeno nak menunggu. I ada dgr cerita John Green nak buat Paper Towns the movie. Biar betull :O Green, kalau movie tu nak keluar please let me know first sebab i tak habis lagi baca novel tu :o

Review: John Green's Novel


Yeah, I guess this is my second time to write a review/feedback about something that I've seen, watched, heard, read or whatev. Yang first time tu waktu aku tengok cerita Brave.

Well, i'm not good to indicate my own opinions or feedback. But I try lah.

"The Fault In Our Stars" written by John Green. 

I've finished reading the book. And I FEEL AMAZINGLY EMOTIONAL. Ya Allah. The novel is wonderful and interesting gila. Seriously. I think every 16 year-old Malaysian people should read this book 'cuz I also want them to feel the same way as I feel and I don't how to describe these feelings. Every word Mr. Green had written burns my chest and corrodes my heart to yield the sense of delight and grieve. 

The story was about Hazel Grace who is diagnosed with lung cancer. And then she met a gorgeous plot twist name Augustus Waters-who is diagnosed with a bone cancer- who suddenly appears at The Support Group and Hazel's story is completely to be about rewritten. 

Hazel Grace Lancaster. Her lung is sucks at being lungs. 
You have my pitty, Hazael Grace.

Augustus Waters. This picture is as precise as I imagined when I read the book. 
He likes to put a cigar in his mouth without lighting it. Here's how it works:
"They don't kill you unless you light them. And i've never lit one. It's a metaphor,see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth but you don't give it power to do its killing "- Augustus Waters.

The story is unique 'cuz it's a love story. Two young strangers met together and after that they had fall in love. <3  Grammar, vocabs and words dalam novel ni memang hardcore. Kalau nak betul2 faham story dia you must have the commitment to understand it by look up on the meaning of the words. 

How I react: It doesn't make me cry (tapi rasa macam nak nangis). If it doesn't make me cry it makes me think and laugh. And I fell in love with myself and the author who barely knew my existence even more! Such a brilliant read and the critics was right.

On top of that, diorang kata they're going to make a movie out of it. Oooohhhh MyyYyyy Glaaabbb. The movie will be released in June dekat America. Hopefully the movie will be screened in Malaysia as soon as possible 'cuz I'm dying to see them in real life. :D

I'm planning to re-read the book over again and looking forward to buy another Green's book. Either "Will Grayson Will Grayson" or "The Abundance Of Katherine". :)

Dog Days Are Not Over


Top of the morning, fellas. Yes, it's almost 5 a.m and lagi berapa jam sekolah nak mula. Saturday school, by the way. Great taste of coffee sat right next the laptop and tons of unfinished homework are still on the dining table. As usual, blogging first then homeworks! Today I feel like wanna post something even though i'm lacking of life's experience in these days.

Ok, let's get starting. 

Had a wonderful time for the past few weeks. Merentas desa drill, my 'bro' had join the ST's family, i'm getting closer with my friends and I see my crush everyday. Nevertheless, every perfect moment has their own flaws. Dinie had her worse feeling 'cuz she'd hang up on people's comment and judgement about her, and she and Muba got humiliated in front of senpai(s) with their struggled vocabs and I also had the flaw moments too. 

I sucks at addmaths, I sucks at educating people, I sucks at being a normal human, I sucks in giving advice to people, and I sucks at controlling my jealousy (thus, this is the kind of form of feelings towards my crush as it blooms every single time I saw him talking with other girls who are rather more attractive than me)  . But ya know what, sucking at something is the first step in being good at something. 

Furthermore, MARA is killing me! Yes, I have sign-up for a boarding school in Taiping but the result is too goddamn slow like an ass. Dah la syllabus kat sini pun slow. I'm afraid if I passed within the result, I have to desperately catch up with their syllabus and that would ruin the whole reason why I need to further my studies there. Dear MARA, if you don't wanna take me as your student or don't wanna waste your good precious scholarships to someone like me so please just speed up the whole process and just send an email or a letter so I could stop worrying about my education 'cuz you don't know how much I struggled here. You mofo assclown.

Dah, stop whining.

Ain't whining, it's just that...i need this offer. Kalau tak dapat pun bagitau je la so at least I would prepare for a tuition or something.

Before I go further, there's something important I wanna tell here. MCR.
My Chemical Romance. One of my beloved people. My soul. My everything. 
They had announced that they are making a tribute upon their break-ups. It's an album called "May Death Never Stop You". *sobs..sobs. I want it. I need it. I miss them so much. Aku harap album ni jual kat Malaysia. 

K, that is all about today. Hmm. I guess I'd never lacking of experience about life after all. Here's a list. Yups, a list. Don't know an appropriate title for this list. So, yeah. A list. :

-Make some fine, good, privilege of art. Draw or play piano with a new song.
-Read some fine books. Currently, i'm reading "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green. 
-Be nice and compassion with others.
-Eat well, sleep well, exercise regularly and study-smart.
-Remember Allah. ALWAYS remember Him in the times of grace and descend. Be grateful. ALWAYS.

Let's Go Get.........Ice-Cream :/


Konichiwa! Yesterday was the second day of school and I still felt weird of not having Sufi as my seatmate. Still, I'm happy Dinie is beside me and she has been helping me a lot. Lebiu,man :*

So, about the "drama" I'm going to talk about..well, am not gonna post about it. 'Cuz it was so stupid. My stupidity, my selfishnesses, my dirty mouth and everything that I owed made my bond between one-of-my-favourite-people destroyed. Sekarang ni I don't know what to do. My mind is messed up right now.

Kids, all I want to say is..don't you ever drag about politics and about your financial crisis in your dining table (masa makan). EVER. Especially dengan asshole yang tak habis2 nak diri dia menang. Yes, it's the same asshole yang aku post haritu. 'Cuz you know why? Sorry to say this but our country's politicians are dickheads. Nobody likes dickheads. They're dickheads and still have shitloads of voters and supporters and all of them have.....*krik krik* *krok krok*

Ok, aku malas nak berpolitik kat sini. I don't want it to be carried away cuz if I did, that would make me one of them. Dah dah. Kids, apa2 pun kita kena bersyukur sekarang ni. Biarlah harga barang naik mendadak, (yeah mom tolong baca ni let us learn to be grateful and be more thrifty) but yang paling penting sekali is our piety to Allah. Tu je. Banyakkan bersabar and rezeki ada di mana2. InsyaAllah.

Uhh. Mulut berbisa.. badan, hati,otak,minda,hormon,otot,rambut,kaki,tangan,telinga,bulu binasa.

K bye. Oh, pasal benda lain yang aku nak post tu satgi ah. Susah nak cram segala2nya kat sini. ><

Gebu la Gerard Way ni :*

Aku Budak Bio. Ow Yes!


Elllooooooooooo. Today was the first day of school omg now i'm unofficially 16 years old (besday lambat lagi). Everything went great today but the only thing that makes me sad was Sufi isn't my partner anymore. She had been there for me, backing me up for 3 years but now...dia masuk kelas 4SA. Aku 4ST. Aku tak sangka kau tinggalkan aku Sufi. Kau tak sayangkan aku ke? Without you, i'm nothing. Eyh ceh ceh ceh..

I knew it. Things won't stay the way it should be. Uhhh. I even hardly meet my crush. Last year I could see him 10 times a day. But this year...he took the "invention" stream (kelas reka cipta) and I only saw him during recess. HE.WAS.GORGEOUS. Tapi biarlah. I think it's the best for me to get rid of him out of my mine 'cuz I want this silent obsession to be over with so I could easily focus on my studies. You have no idea. Science stream is even tougher than I thought.

Speaking about science stream, hari ni ade la belajar sikit2. And I also met a few teachers. Mr Lee is my class teacher and tadi aku dah chop tempat. (Oh,yes. Guess what I sat beside Dinie this year) Tapi Mr Lee said tempat duduk kitorang chop tu is for temporary. Oh mai god sir. Seriously dude? So I ran across the the balcony and almost hit two innocent girls over a sit that has a fan above it for nothing? -.- 

Okay, back to the basic. So today I've we've learnt  new stuffs. Bm, Chemist, Add Maths, Sej. To me, the only subject that could turn me into a hardcore lazy-ass is Bm. Sebab i'm really not interested in Bm actually. But you know what, miracle happened. I started to like it a little 'cuz cikgu yang ajar kitorang is soooo sweeeettt.

Tapi apa2 pon, the point is that I must study hard and study smart starting from now. The priority of my goal for these 2 whole years of 2014 and 2015 is to pass every subject that I learn with flying colours and to determine to get all straight A+ in SPM. Plus, aku kena jugak rajin bertanya. Biarla orang kata "she annoys me" or "uh,sibuk la dia ni" but at least aku annoying bertempat jugak. I'll try to ask questions as many as possible so I could seek their wisdom. Every human makes mistake and that includes me. Even though PMR straight As doesn't mean I'm a smart-ass. I'm fragile and broken. So the only thing that I could survive in this rascally world is with education. InsyaAllah.

Plus, I must start learning to be grateful. Bersyukur apa yang ada. (walaupun semua harga barang sekarang naik mendadak. Shit)

Nanti I will post more. Ada "drama" between me and my mom lepas balik sekolah tadi. Oh gos oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh. Besides that, i'll try to cram all the occasions in one post. Pasal "adik" aku, former 3 Delima students *sobs sobs*, and also nak post satu gambar aku yang hodoh.