The Days Are Like A Death Wish

Assalamualaikum..

Fikiran aku sekarang serabut. My minds are tangling like spider webs as I over think about everything that's gonna happen 140 days from now on. I am almost 17 and that age sort of a pain on the neck because...I am not sure if I'm ready or not to face the ultimate lifetime examination. The war. The one that points your future. SPM.


Sometimes I have the urge of crying when it comes about my recent marks, grades, and understanding and learning enhancement. It has been almost a year being a form 4 student and I felt that I have wasted such a precious time. I procrastinate. I did unvalueble shits. I laughed uncontrobally. I fcuked up. I cried over and over when there's a shadow of flashbacks about all the wrongdoings I've made.

I also have the urge to cry cuz I realized I am not as talented as people around me and I'm scared that I won't go further in my life. My most fear of all time is when I have the blink of imagining living in the cold dark life. "Bitch please failing and falling in certain circumstances is a one step to success". Fuck off. This is future I'm talking about and you expect me gonna make the same mistake after all the oppurtunity and chances have given ? Hell to the no. The peeps at school are killing me because of theit goddamn attitude and those bastards think they're being original well actually they aren't.

Ya Allah. Lagi setahun je weihh

Lagi setahun je and I'm sure I would save my ass from here if I have the determination and not easily giving up on anything.

Aku berusaha. Aku berdoa. Aku berserah. Dan aku redha. Kalau aku berjaya, alhamdulillah. Kalau aku gagal, itu kehendak dan qada Dan qadarNya. I have no capable and the strength to change His fate. Therefore I just gotta have to accept it and move on. 

"Mama tahu aliah dah tak tahan, tapi please setahun lagi je kat sini. Belajar la bersungguh-sungguh."

I will mom, I will insyaallah.

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