Good Vibes, Postive Post coming soon


Ssup. Oh gosh it's 5.30 in the morning and my my eyebags are getting worse, filling with dead hopes and broken dreams huehueh T.T I feel regret of having a cup of halfwitted horlick instead of coffee. I guess I'll just have to stick with coffees eventhough many people think it is bad. Well actually it is but i don't have other alternative ways to overcome this tiredness. Unless if someone lend me a gram of ice. (im irrationally desperate rn and i have the urge that i need those)

As the days went by, I feel like my hatred towards the school has blooming drastically. Feels like wanna start a demonstration regarding of how sucks the school is, the school organization seems pretty dumb day by day and the teachers starting to act foolishly (some of the teacher, probably most of em). How sad it is when you have a teacher who is incapable to teach you very well in subjects that you really like. I wish i could swallow a dagger, just to stop witnessing this horribleness. But i prefer to become a burrito instead. 

I know people would think of me as an ungrateful bastard. But you see, i am ungrateful bastard and you don't understand that. Aku rasa semua takkan faham, of how fucked up it is to survive here. The people, the societies, and everything. They seem ruthless in every aspect. I admit that i'm not perfect as well tapi entahla it's hard to explain and Mom, if you're reading this..i hope you're able to understand when i said , "rasa taknak hidup dah" and i really mean it. Bukan main main. Even my mom pun tak faham. Bila aku ajak pindah, bagi macam macam alasan. Even my dad doesn't want me to live with him. 

This whole painful thoughts really gives me the determination to move forward. Don't care if i'm succeed or not in the future, i won't be coming back to this sick fucking town ever again. Datang pun sebab nak visit opah and family Muba je. Yang lain taknak. Pergi mati sana.

Aaahh i have such a negative vibes, but that's okay. Lantak orang nak cakap aku ni ape. In five years later, non of their words would matter cuz i was hella up in space and they're still stuck in their goddamn two foot wide and six foot deep kingdom. 

Gotta dash. I have a hell institution to attend. Later.

Oh, forgot to mention here. I watched From Up on Poppy Hill yesterday
and it was splendid ^_^

Everything Will Be Fine


//last update 07 Feb 2015 ahahahhaah bapak lama 

Finally finally finally !! Mama and Daddy bought me a brand new laptop and dapat jugak bukak belog ni aaaahhhh rindunyaa. There are lots of things I wanna write here tho. Macam2 gila occasions and event have been happening and it's kinda sad for not having the chance to update it. But nvm tho, nasib ada insta hewhewhew.

So, my school had already done the mid-year exams and GODDAMN THE STRUGGLE IS REAL AF ! I think i'm gonna fail this test and kinda need the determination to be more hard-working. I was thinking to get rid off my android tapi setiap kali off handphone je mesti rasa paranoid. Takut banyak information terlepas. And it is. Cikgu bio suka sangat bagi assignment thru handphone and that's why T.T 

And i've been through lots of depression and suicide temptation bagaii. I know I shouldn't supposed to take this all too serious but i don't know how to think or feel. And sometimes i'm hoping too much, hoping that I could feel the happiness i've been pretending to have. It's funny, thinking back during my younger days where I used to thought : "Asal diorang ni suka bunuh bunuh diri? Hidup dah senang nak bunuh diri". And now I completely understand how it feels when you didn't get something that really matters to you; good grades, self-esteem, confidence and many more. 

well that explains everything

But i feel slightly better now. Sebab dapat luahkan dekat blog ni heheheheheh. I know it's difficult and tough. But if i make an effort, i know it's gonna be worth it. Yeahhh positivity izzz gudd. And yeah, as you get older, every choice you make defines who you're gonna turn into. I'm not gonna choose the wrong path tho. I don't wanna end up miserable just because I've been pushed right pass the point of breaking once in my life. InsyaAllah, bak kata cikgu Koh, setiap kali sembahyang tu kena doa, pastu dah berusaha tu bertawakal je. Don't be upset sebab result teruk ke ape. Maybe right now your result may seem ordinary. But who knows, as you get out from the hella school you might become an extraordinary. //Oh, sir Koh ^.^

Tapi sekarang ni, I gotta be grateful, and never give up on His faith. Allah knows the best. Kerja aku sekarang ni just belajar setakat yang aku mampu. I wish i knew the reason behind all this and I will. Sometimes I could be so obsessed to certain things cuz I don't wanna be such a disappointment to people around me. I don't believe in friendships, forever-lasting affections and all those bullshits. Despite, I still believe people are good in their heart. Opah, Mama, Daddy, Diyanah, Iman, Muba, Mak Cik Intan, sir Koh and many more..these people are important. InsyaAllah i'll try my best to make them i'm worth their effort. 

welp, i think im gonna take my leave. Ape2 nanti i'll update some more :D xoxoxo 

aaeemmmmm geeeee aarrrrrgghh